hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
