it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
