i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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