i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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