My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
