I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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