I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
