i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
