This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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