she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
