Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
