I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
