I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
