oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
