he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
