I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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