6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
