And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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