I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
