Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
