No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
