do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
