Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize