He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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