the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
