Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
