I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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