"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
