Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
