i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
