I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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