you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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