I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
