How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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