he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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