So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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