I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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