Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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