im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
