If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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