I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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