dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
