Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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