So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
