i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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