and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
