i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
