Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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