Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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