Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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