Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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