Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
