i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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