you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
