just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize