I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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