There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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