doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
