i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
