every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
