the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
