hotel room ftw
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize