The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will pee on everything he values.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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