she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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